An Open Letter to 2013

Dear 2013,

Can I keep you forever?

Seriously. Although you started out a bit bumpy, you turned out to be one of the best years of my life. I started out this year writing a blog where my only resolution for the year was to "Take More Risks (let's aim for three big ones) and Be Passionate Enough to Enjoy It." I didn't plan which risks to take. Nor did I go through the year going, "Oh, I took one risk today, just need two more!" I just kind of made knee-jerk decisions that in another life (read: in 2012 and before) I never would have made. And they all (for the most part) turned out well. Really well. For example:

Risk #1: Leaving OSHS
Now, 2013, I know I had planned on leaving OSHS for at least the two years before you came along. But give yourself some credit. If you remember, 2012 was supposed to be my last year, and it wasn't. I stayed, which turned out to be necessary considering my reasons for leaving completely changed by the time March rolled around.

Once Corey and I broke up, I could have easily pulled my resignation. I did it in 2012. The moment I posted on Facebook that I was single again, I was even offered some perks in order to stay. But something in me, something about you, 2013, made me decide to leave still. And boy was that the greatest decision I had ever made.

HP

No work. All sleep. Rock on.

If I hadn't left OSHS, I wouldn't have been looking at teaching overseas. Which led me to Chicago. Which led me to Across the Pond. Which led me to Essex and the UK. I seriously would not be here right now had I not taken that risk. And it was a scary risk. I had no clue what I was going to do once that check stopped coming from OSSD, but I was ready to experience whatever it was, no matter how crappy it would end up being. But I had faith in you, 2013; I knew you wouldn't let me down. And you didn't. :)

Risk #2: Joining the Soul Sisters
I have a strained relationship with women. There's another blog coming about that, but when my psychologist told me I needed women in my life, I didn't believe her at first. I had been burned by so many female friends in the past that I just didn't want to open myself up to that kind of hurt again. It hurts a woman much more deeply when a woman betrays her than when her man does. And I was tired of that hurt.

                                                            How to parent a teen

 It's my vest, isn't it? Fuckin vests...

 

But, 2013, I had promised you to take more risks, so when Heather Eason (one of those people whom God has decided I need in my life--and I must agree with him) offered for me to join the new session of the women's bible study group at school, I decided to do it. I wish I had joined earlier! That first session was like finding a puzzle piece you didn't realize was missing. Or one you had just assumed was gone forever so stopped worrying about it.

Everyone was so welcoming and warm. My experiences in the past with church had left something to be desired, but this group was nothing like that. We joked, we confessed, we praised--both God and each other. I didn't realize how much I had been missing by willingly excluding female friends from my life. And because of you, 2013, because of whatever it was about you that gave me strength to go in there gave me friends more dear to me than I ever would have thought they'd be (and led me to make friends easier later in the year).

Risk #3: Chicago

2013, I'm just going to say this now: you started off shite for everyone. Maybe you were just trying to find your bearings, but man, did you just take a giant dump on the lot of us. Tressie, for example, went through some massive heartaches those first few months, yet she still managed the strength to pack up her and the baby and move to Dublin for a job. How awesome is that?! I realized then that I was being too narrow-minded about my future. If Tressie can move herself and an infant--not even a toddler--to Ireland all on her own, what's stopping me from going somewhere outside of the US? Not that I'm better than her in any way; not at all. It was just that Tressie's experience made me realize any reason I had was just a lame excuse. What did I have holding me back? I could totally go overseas! But what could I do? Teach English, of course!

 

So, I started searching and found Teaching House. I originally wanted to go to Boston but I would have missed my grandfather's 70th birthday. The only other place that looked interesting was Chicago. So I did it. And because it was so expensive, I ended up using AirBnB (a homestay type website) and stayed with an awesome couple and just ended up having the most awesome time. Again, 2013, not something I would have EVER considered doing prior to you coming along.

I fell in love with Chicago AND I was able to reconnect with Karen Murphy, one of my close high school friends. I made some great friends through Teaching House, and it was generally a great experience all around. I even used the road trip as a way to reconnect with Courtney in Wyoming, my cousins in Colorado, and Ann in Texas. But, 2013, what Chicago helped me do most, was reignite that passion for living again.

It wasn't until I was crossing into Louisiana to go back to Mississippi that I realized how heavy I had been living. Finally, I could breathe again. Life was exciting again. And full of prospects! I don't know why I had become so jaded, but you, 2013, made me remember what it was like to be...well...me.

Risk #4: ENGLAND
And the biggest risk you helped me take 2013, the one I never in my right mind would have considered doing before you came along was applying to Essex.

I had found Essex through Across the Pond, a website I had found in my search for overseas teaching vacancies. When I saw there wasn't a deadline and the application process was so easy, I decided that the worst they could say is no and I wouldn't be out of anything, not even an application fee. But then they didn't. In fact, not only did they not say no; they gave me a  £2000 scholarship! I knew before I knew that I wouldn't say no. How could I?! It was like winning at life. Here I was, with the opportunity to not only go back to college for an MA in Literature, but study something I was really interested in AND do it in another country. Like I said above, what was stopping me?

And so here I am, almost a fortnight into 2014 in the UK, wondering and hoping what the next year will bring. If 2014 is even half as great as you were, it's going to be a good year. But I'll always remember you fondly. I promise. :)

Thanks for everything,
Brittany