3 years ago, I began a blog long since abandoned (well obviously not as I'm writing on it now, but bear with me). And on that New Years Day, I made a resolution, the only resolution that I have ever truly kept: to take more risks, at least one big one each year.
That fateful year saw my entire life upended. Not horribly (although it seemed that way at first), but to reaches beyond my wildest dreams. I was single, unemployed, aimless, but then, through some sort of divine intervention, I found myself seeing and living in places I never thought I would: first Chicago then England.
I never, ever, ever imagined I'd live in England; but here I sit, 3 years later, halfway to my dream of a PhD in a field I am truly passionate about (and would never have been able to pursue in the US...for various reasons). The path since arriving has not always been easy; there has been sadness, heartache, loneliness, and fear. And as I reach the midway point in my postgraduate academic career (as a student, anyway), I am beginning to worry about what comes next. But even though I'll spend the rest of my life paying back the $100,000 it's cost me, I wouldn't give up this experience for the world. Not enough people have the opportunity to live like this, and I am thankful for every moment and every connection I have had.
I'm still living by my 2013 resolution--taking risks, being brave--but my life has changed so much since then that I feel a need to make a new resolution for this "new me." And it needs to be one which I know I'll keep, like the last one. So, no silly things like "lose weight" (although I should), "save money" (although I should), or "quit smoking" (although I should), but one which I know I can really get behind and live up to fully.
To do this, I re-read that first post, and found another theme running through each of my heroes: none of them were afraid to be themselves, whatever that meant, and were their best selves in every way.
What does that mean exactly? Well, it means accepting myself for who I am, flaws and all, and being okay with it. It means figuring out what makes me happiest with myself and living it.
To this end, I needed to ask when was I my happiest with myself? When I wasn't smoking. When I was working out at least 5 times a week. When I was meeting up with friends on Wednesdays for a cheeky drink, on Thursdays to connect with God, and Sundays for a run and brunch. When Murphy and I saw the world together because we could (and I had a car---oh, how I miss driving). When I wasn't worried about my future, because I knew God had a plan for me and I trusted in it fully.
So this, all of this, is what my 2016 resolution is. If I don't achieve it all in this year, that's okay--because loving yourself is a lifelong process. But my goal is to at least work on making way for God and God's plan for me so that I can be the best me and live the best life I can. If the last 3 years are any measure of what I can expect by living this way, what wonders await me in the next 3 years?! I am excited to find out....
